DeVoN SaWa

Oh baby. I couldn't get enough of the human version of Casper in Universal's Casper (1995). Yes, I'm talking about Devon Sawa... but let's be honest with ourselves, I probably would have been attracted to Casper anyway. He is so good to Kat, you know? He is an excellent chef, can shape-shift (imagine that in the bedroom!), lives in a mansion, AND has three wild 'n crazy uncles to party with!

The best moment of Casper is in the following video. Imagine being LITERALLY swept off your feet by your dream boi, who goes on to ask, "Can I keep you?" It was so sweet! Thank you, Casper, for only further raising my romantic expectations as a child.



Wait a second... Now that I think about it, ghost Casper is remarkably similar to Chip in Beauty and the Beast. Same voice? I guess I just love that type of "guy." Best go investigate the similarities.


Devon Sawa. Babe as a teenager, really. Remember his role in Now and Then? Paired with Christina Ricci again. What was up with those two?


I told you I was a good dancer.

MMMMM CHEVY CHASE!

I used to have a crush and still do on 70's-80's era Chevy Chase. Damn older men. I found him HILARIOUS in the National Lampoon's Vacation and a total stud in Caddyshack. I was especially intrigued by him in the latter. I don't even remember the movie anymore. Except he was a cocky playboy. And the way he did what he wanted! Oh man. Wild thang. And then he appeared Paul Simon's video for "You Can Call Me Al" and stole the show. Nevermind that he is oh, 44 years older than me. Oh wait. That is really weird. I am going to end this post. In real life my age cap is around 9 years. 44 is gross and disturbing. Especially since I was a wee girl. Goddamn this blog is making me take a long, hard look at my psyche. Long and hard. Heh heh heh.

Flash Forward blondie

I had a crush on that curly haired blond guy, Tucker, on Disney's "Flash Forward" of the mid-90s. I thought he was hilarious, and boy do I love a good laugh! Just found out from my co-writer that he is Ben Foster, one of the dudes from the X-Men movies (angelbaby). Whoopsie. I guess he isn’t so bad now, but I still think it’s funny that I found Tuck attractive. I honestly don’t remember any episodes. I think it was one of those shows I rarely watched; but still had a thang for the main character. Total bonus anytime it was on and I could catch a glimpse of that piece!

Prince Eric

Why Prince Eric decides to go for a voiceless redhead is beyond me; Vanessa was way hotter! But let’s not waste time bitching about his relationship decisions. I’m all about the man himself; I went simply gaga for his shiny black hair, perfect smile, and sexy outfit. Aside from his good looks, he has an adorable Old English Sheepdog, Max (my dream dog!). Who could forget the moment when the ship is sinking, and Eric goes back to save Max, who jumps into his waiting arms. He sacrificed himself for his dog. What a gentleman!

As if these traits weren’t enough, Eric has even more laudable qualities; for example, I’ve always had a thing for musicians, and he plays the flute! Also, the party scene on his ship was fucking badass! I would have loved to spend an evening on board! Perhaps an even better night would be spent in his castle- we all know how much Ariel enjoyed it, and she nearly destroyed the experience due to the hijinx of her Jamaican crab buddy. I would never do such a thing! Eric would be all mine. I would have had plenty to say, and sing to him any time (songbird). Really, someone should create a vacation site similar to chateau Prince Eric, where one can be bathed by two nice house servants, fed a delicious crab dinner by a French chef, and awoken the following morning with a carriage ride to a solitary pond for a romantic rowboat interlude with Prince Eric himself. I wouldn’t miss the chance to kiss that hunk! Ariel blew it. Seriously, that would be the best fucking weekend getaway ever. Swoon.

Here’s a video of that romantic moment when Ariel (the fool) fucks it up, backed by the best damn song in the movie “Kiss de Girl.”

B-Rok

Brian Littrell stole my heart when I was a young middle school gal. He was my first Backstreet crush. Later, I would move on to bad boy AJ, but that's another post which has not yet been realized. For now, I would love to express my attraction to B-Rok, the member who first got my pre-teen juices flowing.

B-Rok had a bit of a Southern accent, as he was born and raised in Kentucky. His voice is very prominent throughout the Backstreet Boys’ discography; however, I only owned their 1997 self-titled debut album, and “Millenium”- both excellent releases I knew by heart. B-Rok’s attitude in songs is so forgiving of a lady, offering a “no questions asked” degree of understanding for a young 11 year-old like myself who obviously had a troubled past (apparently the songwriters thought so). Enough about Brian’s voice and lyrics though!!! Let’s get onto the good stuff – that smokin’ hot bod and perfectly styled hair. Brian had the look, the charm, and some serious b-ball skills; what is more, he had that cutie pie of a cousin, Kevin, to boot! Imagine yourself and a best pal being able to double-date with the southern comfort of B-Rok and KevKev! They were openly Christian, so even better! Guys you can take home to mom and pop.



In this song, Brian claimed he'd "walk halfway around the world for just one kiss from you." Well, B-Rok, I've been waiting. I'm all grown up now. How about that kiss?

9021Ohhhhh

Let's forget that he is not doing a damn thing except mooching off of that slut Megan Fox (beautiful, but a fucking moron). But when I was a little girl with a precocious libido I wanted to do Brian Austin Green. I have a penchant for bad boiz and his character David Silver was THE badass of Beverly Hills (until Val showed up and messed around with everyone, she was a badass). I mean, he was a hip hop artist who played with guns! I also identified with him being younger than the rest of the cast (I am younger than most of my friends and David Silver made it seem so cool!). Plus for a while he had sweet shaved things in his hair. The whole him dating Donna Martin thing was pretty gross. Not because the whole 'waiting for marriage' (even as a kid that sounded like the worst idea ever) but because Tori Spelling looks like a cat's butt. I hated her as a child. I can't even remember what his terrible 'music' was but now that I am watching this video I am more embarrassed than ever. Even more than my crush on a fucking bird.

Embarrassing. Videos are few and far between and I didn't have the patience to search.

Johnny Kapahala

I had a major crush on Johnny Kapahala from the 1999 Disney made-for-TV movie, Johnny Tsunami. In this film, we are introduced to Johnny in his childhood home of Hawaii, where he spends his days surfing with his two knucklehead friends and his grandpa, who is a known surf legend. Johnny is suddenly forced to move to Vermont, where he is unable to continue surfing. His dork richer father makes Johnny enroll in a private school, where the majority of the “popular kids” are skiers. He decides to try out the sport (probably to impress that one blonde broad), but fails miserably. He is taken in by local public school snowboarders, and finds that the sport is much easier for him, considering his surfing history. His dad doesn’t like the crowd he runs around with, but Johnny rebels anyways.

I really liked the movie as a 13 year-old. I recorded it onto a VHS tape and watched it over and over again. Honestly, I thought that guy was a total babe. I probably wrote him fanmail. He was just so extreme! He saves a damsel in distress, has a great tan, and doesn’t give a fuck! (ie. He gets busted for wearing a Hawaiian shirt with his school uniform; He and Sam [token] sneak on to a plane back to Hawaii when his parents try to move again, etc.). What I will say is that the crush was completely normal because I was close to him in age, and he is an actual real person (although I was attracted to the character he plays, not the actor, Brandon Baker).

Go big or go home.

20th Century FOX

This post shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. The double meaning of the word "fox" is pretty straight-forward. This was probably my first real cartoon crush. Disney's Robin Hood (1973), based on the legend, is centered upon the main character, Robin, who is a cartoon fox. Robby is not only a great archer, but a ladykiller and humanitarian. He dates Maid Marian, whom undoubtedly was an idol for any young girl watching the film; certainly, I wished I could spend a day in her shoes, playing badminton and being wooed by that fox. The loot of the rich wasn't the only thing Robin stole; he also stole my three year-old heart. He has a deep British accent, he's witty, and his fox's cunning allows him to slide in and out of tough situations with grace-- and I must say, Robby looks good doing it!

Despite his disadvantaged position in society as an outlaw (and friend of a grenade - Little John - not so little, eh?), Robin manages to win the heart of Marian and female viewers like myself. Below, I have chosen to share a particularly memorable movie moment. It still gets to me!!! So romantic. It's like a wish dream for me.




Faint hearts never won fair lady.

I HAD A CRUSH ON A FUCKING BIRD

Panchito Pistoles from Disney's The Three Caballeros, a 1945 slightly propagandist film designed to promote good will between the states and some southern countries nobody cared about back then. Now let me get to my man or cock. Or whatever.

I am just going to say I know how weird this was. Liking a bird. But this was at a REALLY young age. Like 4. Possibly sooner. Better a character designed for children than someone 25 years older? I will justify how I see fit. Now let’s talk about this muy caliente bird, Panchito Pistoles. He was a badass! He had guns, liked to sing and dance, and donned a sweet outfit. As a child I knew nothing about ‘adult’ activities but now that I look back he would probably be a fun date. The one that gets me super drunk off of tequila and I end up in Mexico the mother of 11 little babies that don’t speak English and my passport ‘missing’. Donald Duck was a pussy compared to this cocky rooster. And the Brazilian? Paaaaa-leeeeaaaaaze. I like a wild man. Always have, always will. It probably began with this bandito. I still really like this old school Disney movie by the way.

Please check out his tune below. He was also a musician! The more I think about it the more I believe this bird carved out my type from the time I was a toddler. Ugh.


Please follow the link to behold my main bird in all his glory. And note the Mexican accent.

The white guy in All-4-One

I didn’t know his name until now. Tony Borowiak.

So, you’re probably asking yourselves, how could she have found this man attractive? I must admit, I am baffled myself. I recall being a young gal (probably in 2nd grade, considering the 1994 release date of their debut album), listening to my older sister’s copy of the cd continuously, whilst glancing over the cd booklet. I suppose I was interested in the shy white guy who sometimes wore glasses, which no doubt invoked that “smart, sensitive type” aura. You know how you can easily distinguish which group member sings certain parts of a song? Well, in this case, I have no idea. Not really sure what purpose he served in the group, besides appealing to the white community. Well, he certainly stood out to me. I am a bit ashamed, but can’t help wondering where he is now.

I think he sang this part of "I Can Love You Like That." A little Nick Carter-esque:
If you want tenderness
I've got tenderness
And I see through to the heart of you



Get a load of his simple nature here, as well:

MA$E

What is to be said about this bay bay! He was a bad boy (literally, rolled with Puff Daddy as he was called back in the day AND the Notorious B.I.G. But he was still a clean cut charming young man with a winning smile I could bring home to Mom. It made my pre-teen panties wet. To my 10 year old self he was IT. My dream man. I'm still a virgin in hopes of meeting him on the street sometime now that he isn't famous and then I will strike. I will buy him a burger and then fulfill what my life was made for. To bone Ma$e. It will be aMA$eing!

True pimp niggaz spend no dough on the booty
And then ya yell there go Mase there go your cutie

Nothing like a good coffee mug.

Who could forget that sexy mug, Chip Potts, from Disney's Beauty and the Beast? I'll take credit for this one. As a girl, I definitely had a crush on Chip due to his great sense of humor and his really cool mom. I felt I could relate to Chip as he was continuously kept out of the loop of things. Who, as a child, remembers being told, "I'll tell you when you're older"? We would have made a great CUP-le. Also, he saves the day with Crazy old Maurice's invention. I'd love to have a replica Chip cup today. Do they make these?

Do I still have to sleep in the cupboard?